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Is the idea of having guest over suddenly seem overwhelming? Can you feel the anxiety rising as the days to your event is getting closer? So many things to do and clean and buy. Things are just getting added to the to do list and it seems like nothing is getting crossed off as done. This gathering was your idea and suddenly you find yourself scanning your brain for excuses to cancel. If this is you, I promise you are not alone! As I have gotten older the more I recognize my anxiety cues and even though I love hosting parties and being the buzzing queen bee on the outside there are so many days I am exhausted by it all and struggle to find my calm and enjoy the actual party.
I want to share a few good tips that help get me through even the toughest of party panic feelings.
1- Breathe
I know we all have heard this but seriously sit down and the table or lie on your bed and take a few quiet breathes. Close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly, picturing the stress leaving your shoulders and body like steam over your hot cup of coffee. After a few minutes of this calming exercise I promise you will feel regrouped and can tackle another item on the to do list.
2- Make a list
I make lists for everything (check out my bio if you don’t believe me) I love lists there is something so satisfying about crossing items off once you are done. So make a list of everything you want to get done before your event. Detail even the smallest things like making the beds and washing the table cloths. Just creating the list you will feel more at peace about what needs to be done I promise.
3- Prioritize the list
Prioritize the list from hardest to easiest, then do something from the bottom. By completing one or two of the simpler projects on your list you will physiologically feel accomplished therefore you will find new found strength to start taking on other items on the list. And even if you have to leave the most time consuming tasks for another day that may be OK too, after all you may have more energy and focus tomorrow!
4- Delegate
Just because you are the host doesn’t mean you have to do it all. We are amazing but we don’t need to be superheroes! Our family and friends want to help I promise! SO ask your sister to bring her famous cookies, or your friend to pick up the flowers for you from the florist, maybe your mom can come watch the kids while you take time to finish shopping for supplies. Bottom line is there are many people in your village and I promise they love you enough to help all you have to do is ask!
5- Delete at least one item
Look at that list again and delete at least one item. If you are anything like me when planning we tend to get grand ideas of all these things we want to incorporate and we get caught up in the moment of creating the perfect themed event with every elaborate detail unfolding perfectly in our minds…but we need to real it back often and realize not only our limits but also what are our goals for this event? Most of the time the goal is simply seeing and spending time with loved ones right? And if we stretch ourselves so thin working tirelessly until the day of the party we will have nothing left to give our friends and family of ourselves which is really what they have come to see after all. So look at that list and cross something off that isn’t that vital to your vision. That one thing that would be amazing I’m sure but maybe will have to wait in our minds until another gathering where you can devote the time and energy it needs to be executed flawlessly instead of half-way-eh- guess-this-will-work (which in the end will disappoint you and your vision anyway) So cross it off girl and move on!
6- Don’t worry about the mopping
I never mop before a party anymore- seriously I don’t! For years I killed myself scrubbing the house top to bottom before people came over. Fast forward a few hours after the party and here I am scrubbing all the mess everyone made during the party anyhow! What the heck was I thinking?! So now I pick up the clutter, clear counters, tidy up, and light candles so it smells good- but no more deep cleaning. I promise no one will be inspecting the cleanliness of the tile in your shower and if they are don’t invite them next time they clearly are strange! Save your energy scrubbing floors AFTER all the soda spills and food mishaps because we all know they are going to happen.
7- Don’t invite them if you don’t like them
Only invite people who are going to add to your joy if you can help it. Why do you keep extending invites to people you don’t want to be around just because you feel like you have to? Sure there are times you may be forced by etiquette to invite that uncle who drives your entire family nuts- like Christmas for example, but you do not need to invite him to the backyard barbecue you are throwing mid-summer if you don’t want to. Learn that it is OK to not include everyone every time. You are entitled to conserving your peace in your own home at your own parties. If your mother or friend or whomever doesn’t like that you did not include someone you can politely state that you decided to keep the invites limited for this party but are more than happy to help them plan an event at their home if they would like to host a larger gathering.
Bottom line is do what ever you can to try to simplify your expectations, your tasks, and your event so you have the energy to remain present during the party. Try not to let anxiety or stress ruin your day. You need to grant yourself grace for not being able to do it all and applaud yourself for all the amazing things you do accomplish! At the end of the day you are creating moments and memories for all the people you love, don’t forget you should also be creating your own memories too! So take a deep breathe and have fun at the impressive event you are creating!
